sábado, 23 de mayo de 2009

Hoy chistes medicos

Dado que el autor sueco del libro que estoy leyendo actualmente no hará ningún comentario en este blog... y mejor que no lo haga, ya que de sueco andamos todos muy cortitos... y que ademas el titulo que eligió el fulano es un tanto premonitorio..."Silencio Sepulcral"... Pues eso... que para hoy utilizaremos el socorrido recurso de los chistes.

Y de nuevo vamos con humor medico:
El HipocondríacoUn hipocondríaco va al médico y le pregunta: _ Doctor, mi mujer me traicionó hace una semana y aún no me han salido los cuernos. ¿Será falta de calcio?

Vasectomía
Un hombre va a ver al urólogo y le dice que quiere hacerse una vasectomía. El doctor le dice:
_ Mire usted, esa es una decisión muy grave e importante. ¿ Lo ha comentado con su esposa e hijos?
y el señor le contesta
_ Sí.. se puso a votación y quedó 17 a 2.

La Plaquita
En el consultorio, el paciente le muestra a su médico los resultados de sus análisis. El médico los analiza con cara de preocupación y le dice al paciente:
_ Vamos a tener que mandarle a hacer una plaquita...
_ ¿De tórax, Doctor?
_ No... de mármol.

Lifting
Una señora se hace estirar todo: la nariz, la piel de la cara, etc. ... Finalmente, el cirujano le pregunta:
_ ¿Desea la señora algo más?
_ Si. Quisiera tener los ojos más grandes y expresivos.
_ Nada más fácil, señora.... ! Enfermera, traiga la cuenta, por favor ¡

Con el pediatra
Una mujer lleva a un bebé recién nacido al doctor. La enfermera los hace pasar al consultorio. Cuando el médico se presenta, examina al niño, lo mide, lo pesa y descubre que está debajo del peso normal. Pregunta si lo alimenta con biberón o con el seno materno.
_ Seno materno, responde la señora.
_Por favor señora -dice el doctor- descúbrase los pechos.
La mujer obedece, y el médico toca, aprieta, palpa y oprime ambos pechos, en un examen detallado. Luego le indica a la señora que se cubra y le dice:
_ Con razón el niño pesa poco señora, usted no tiene leche.
_ Ya lo sé. Soy su abuela... pero estoy tan contenta de haber venido ¡¡!.

Una anciana a su odontólogo
_ Vengo a que me saque los dientes...
_ Pero señora, si usted no tiene dientes.
_ Sí doctor; acabo de tragármelos.


INFORME MEDICO:
Estimado Sr. Zavala:
Tenemos buenas noticias para Ud., la mancha rosada del pene no era gangrena, sino lápiz labial.
Atentamente, El Equipo de Patología
P.D.: Lamentamos la amputación.

41 comentarios:

Angel dijo...

Buenos, buenos..., no conocía ninguno.

Un saludo

Nora dijo...

Anda, que si te lee alguien que se identifique con la causa, ya te vale, pero son muy buens sobre todo el último, uh! que grima.

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